Please hire me. I have sent you my resume (maybe multiple times) and it’s a good looking one. I used buzz-words and bullet points and lines and stuff. Look at all of my experience! Look at the broad range of things I have done! I made all those things sound as important as possible. Just look it over and give me a call. I’m really cool and once you meet me there’s no way you can’t give me the job! I promise that, even if I don’t know what’s going on, I’m a quick learner. I can do anything. I’m still young, so my brain learns things at light speed. I will work harder than anybody else, I guarantee! I really need to get my bills paid, so if you can quickly make a decision, that’d be great. I understand that you’re not unemployed, so you’re not in as big a rush as me, but I’m freakin out over here! Anyways, I’ve been staring at my phone for the past 6 hours, so you can go ahead and call at anytime.
This is the email that I wanted to send along with my resume. Over the past 2.5 months, I have sent about 1000 emails with resume attached, and maybe got 5 calls. I wish I was exaggerating.
Those close to me would encourage, saying that these employers aren’t as desperate for workers as you are for a job. I read that employers were now able to be super picky with the unemployment rate so high and so much competition for their open positions.
The encouragement is nice, and very necessary to keep plugging through all the available openings. I got discouraged. The evil thoughts told me I wasn’t qualified to hold a job. I believed them. I believed that I had nothing to offer these companies. I didn’t tell the interviewers that, obviously, but I believed it.
Searching for jobs became a chore. At first, I was excited at the possibilities. After a while, I became lost in myself. I hated looking at job postings because all they told me was that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t have enough experience, I’m not qualified, etc. I kept doing it because I needed a job, but I have never hated anything more.
Fighting with my inner insecurities is tough. I was emotionally drained after about 10 submissions. I still struggle with them, as I continue to look for work, but I have taken a new perspective, the one that says “God doesn’t call the trained, He trains the called.”
If you grew up in church, like me, that is a very annoying cliche when it refers to ministry. (I was always told I was supposed to be a preacher, so this saying rubbed me the wrong way). But it works in the real world, too. I may not have all the qualifications or experience I need for job a, b, or c, but I’m leaving it up to God now. I only send my resume. It helps a lot, knowing that whether I get this job doesn’t have anything to do with my impressive resume, what I studied in college, or the fact that I’ve done well at real jobs, but only whether God wants me there.
(P.S.- I think I wrote this mostly for myself)
Where does your insecurity rear it’s ugly head? What do you have to leave in God’s hands?